Im Sorry
by IceAngelDarkMoon
Summary: Toya and Yuki spend a week alone together in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Yuki is determined to help Toya get over Kaho. Shonen-Ai Completed
1. The trip and one bed

I'm Sorry

IceAngelDarkMoon

~~~~~~~~~This one has been in my mind for a long time and I finally thought I would start it and see if anyone liked it!! This is my very first Card Captor Sakura fic, please make sure to leave a review!~~~~~~~~

******There will be shonen-ai, but there will be nothing too explicit! Just hugs and kisses!********

            Toya knew he should feel at least a little upset that only Yuki could come to the weekend get away. But somehow he couldn't convince himself that he really felt that as he and the silver haired boy drove to the family cabin. The windows of the car were rolled down; both Toya and Yuki were enjoying the wind blowing through their hair. The music was loud, to be heard over the wind, Toya was not sure even what station they were listening to but he didn't care. The wind was really wiping around Yuki blowing his hair over his petite face, he looked more relaxed than he had in a long time, and Toya felt relief as he looked at this best friend.

            The Kinmoto family with the addition of Yuki was supposed to go to their cabin by the lake for their three day weekend. That was before Sakura had gotten a call from Tomoyo asking her to go to England with her to visit Eriol. And Kaho. That brought back emotions that Toya wished he had buried long ago, he hated the way she still held something on him. Sakura of course chose to go to England. Then at the last minute their father decided he had too many exams to finish grading to go. That left only Toya and Yuki. Toya had asked Yuki if he wanted to just stay home since it would only be them but Yuki had still wanted to go. Toya felt a small tug of some unknown emotion when Yuki had told him he still wanted to go, to spend time with just Toya. Just thinking that brought a smile to Toya's lips; even if it was small it was still there.

            Yuki had been watching his best friend out of the corner of his eye. He didn't know why but he was glad that it was just him and Toya. Sure he would miss Sakura and her father, but now it was just him and Toya. Yuki saw the look of pain come over Toya's eyes as he drove. Yuki hated when that happened, there was nothing he could do, Toya was thinking about 'HER'. Yuki hated that haunted and betrayed look that always came to Toya when he was thinking of her. If Yuki questioned Toya, Toya would just say it was nothing and Yuki would be forced to drop it and stare on helplessly as he watched the most important person in his life suffer. That thought struck something deep in Yuki, the most important person to him? He smiled a little, maybe some day he could get Toya to think of him the same way, until then Yuki had to fight with a ghost. Yuki hated how it felt like Toya didn't trust him enough to talk about 'her' with him. Yuki saw a small smile grace Toya's lips. If he hadn't know Toya for so long he might have missed that smile entirely, but he knew that it really meant a lot for Toya! Yuki decided in that moment he would try really hard that weekend to try and help Toya get over 'her'.  But if that was impossible at least get Toya to relax, most of the time he took all the worlds trouble on his shoulder, he really cared about so many people, Yuki loved him for that. Toya was not emotionless like some people thought; he felt really strongly about everything, he just didn't let it show. He also really worried about his little sister, especially now that he had given up his powers to Yuki.

            Deciding he could do nothing at the present time Yuki stretched in his seat and got comfortable. He would have fallen asleep had a song he recognized come on. He smiled; it was exactly what he wanted to tell Toya but couldn't get past his shyness. He started to sing along with the old song. Even if he didn't have the courage to ever tell Toya he could still sing!

_When you're weary, feeling small   
When tears are in your eyes,   
I will dry them all   
I'm on your side   
When times get rough   
And friends just can't be found _

_Like a bridge over troubled water   
I will lay me down   
Like a bridge over troubled water   
I will lay me down _

_When you're down and out   
When you're on the street   
When evening falls so hard   
I will comfort you   
I'll take your part   
When darkness comes   
And pain is all around _

_Like a bridge over troubled water   
I will lay me down   
Like a bridge over troubled water   
I will lay me down _

_Sail on silver girl   
Sail on by   
Your time has come to shine   
All your dreams are on their way   
See how they shine   
When you need a friend   
I'm sailing right behind _

_Like a bridge over troubled water   
I will ease your mind   
Like a bridge over troubled water   
I will ease your mind _

            Yuki was surprised that when the song was over he found Toya glancing at him out of the corner of his eye with a really weird look. It was one that Yuki had caught on Toya's face only a couple other times and Yuki was really confused as to what it meant (AWWWWWWWW he is adorably confused!).

            "That was amazing Yuki," Toya said in his deep and quiet voice. Yuki blushed rose on his cheeks and smiled happily. Even if Toya had not known that Yuki meant every word, he had still liked it.

            "Thank you Toya. I love that song." Yuki said almost timidly. Then his stomach reminded him of something, "How long until we stop for dinner Toya?" Yuki leaned against the window and started to watch the scenery outside while he waited for his friend's reply. Toya grinned at his best friend's predictability.

            "I was planned ahead for that, we should be able to see the diner when we get over this hill." Toya grinned at his foresight and Yuki grinned from ear to ear. Toya just absolutely loved to see that smile grace his friends face, and even more when it was he that caused that smile to appear.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            After they had finished a very satisfying meal at the towns diner they made the last little bit of the journey to the cabin. It was a beautiful little thing set very far back in the woods. There was a little garden in the front and behind it was a lake. The lake was where they would probably spend most of their time. There was an old tire swing hanging over the lake and a dock to get in and out. There were woods on every side and many paths. Toya remembered fondly all the times he and Yuki had gone for long hikes in the woods. Stepping out of the car they both took deep breaths of the clean forested air. Then they began the long process of unloading the car into the cabin. There were three bedrooms, a family room, a kitchen and a small bathroom. It was really an impressive little thing!

            "Which room do you want?" Toya asked like the polite host he was supposes to be. Yuki turned and gave him a blank look; he had no idea what Toya was taking about.

            "Huh? What do you mean?" Yuki had in all the times he had come to the cabin only ever shared a room with Toya. That room also only had one bed, which always caused a problem. Neither Toya nor Yuki wanted to make the other sleep on the floor so most of the time they just shared the bed. But it had been a while since they had last been to the cabin too. "We always share a room."

            "I know but I didn't know if you wanted to move into my father's room or Sakura's room for more space." Toya was secretly hoping Yuki would still share his room, it was tradition.

            "If it's all right with you I'd just as soon stay in your room with you. Besides it gets really cold at night." Yuki said this all with a smile and he really wanted to just stay in Toya's room. Yuki was looking at his feet after he said that and he missed the grateful look Toya gave him.

            "Of course that is all right with me," Toya said and picked up Yuki's bags from the ground. Then to himself he said, "I was hoping you would stay in my room." Yuki smiled, he knew he wasn't supposed to hear that.

            Night came and the temperature dropped rapidly and it soon became a little chilly. Toya had checked in with his father over the phone as soon as they had settled in. They had unpacked their stuff into the room and changed into their pajamas. Yuki was having a cup of hot chocolate before bed. Yuki glanced at his friend but Toya was writing in a book that Yuki had only seen a few times. A couple times when he had come into Toya's room he had seen it sitting out but as soon as Toya realized he had left it out he hide it in the depths of his closet and would not speak of it. Yuki was curious but he knew better than to press his friend. Yuki finished his hot chocolate and washed his dishes. By the time he looked back at Toya the book was gone again.

            "Ready to go to sleep?" Yuki asked in his normal cheery voice. Toya nodded and they trooped into the little room.

            "Do you want the bed?" Toya asked, it was just like all the other times they had come with the family to the cabin, Toya always started the debate.

            "I'm really tired tonight Toya, lets not get into a whole fight over who gets the bed. It is really cold tonight, I can see you shivering. Let's just share it. No arguments and no frozen friends!" Yuki said in his most commanding voice. Toya laughed at his friend's command. He was cold and the floor was not that soft, besides for some reason he was really hoping it would be Yuki who suggested that. Toya nodded his agreement and Yuki climbed in the bed and held the blankets back for Toya. It took them a little bit to get settled for the night. Toya suddenly realized how long it had been since they had been to the cabin together and shared the bed. They were a little squished but it would work. Yuki was taking full advantage of the situation and snuggled closer to Toya to get warm. Toya took this as a cue and held his little snow bunny closer and started to fall asleep with Yuki in his arms. Yuki stayed awake a little longer listening to Toya's steady breathing and reveling in being so close to his friend. But like it has always done sleep claimed him and his eyes closed for the night. Yuki had pleasant dreams that night snuggled up with Toya.

TBC

Please review. I know not much has happened so far, but I promise good and fluffy stuff to come! I'm sorry that that song snuck in but it was playing as I wrote this and it just called out to go in the fic, besides I love the song. Simon and Garfunkel forever! Please leave any advice or comments! IADM


	2. The Red Journal's secret

I'm Sorry-2

IceAngelDarkMoon

~~~~~~~~~~So sorry it took me so long to update but I've been really busy and I had to update some other stories first. Please tell me what you think of this!~~~~~~~~~~

*******This story does contain shonen-ai or slash or whatever you want to call it. I don't own CCS either. The poem is mine though and you may not take it!*********

Toya was glad that he was an early riser the next morning. He woke to find Yuki snuggled very comfortably in his arms. Toya found that he had his arms around Yuki's waist holding him close and protective. And to his shock Yuki had snuggled very close to Toya and had an arm around Toya as well, and his head we nestled into Toya's shoulder. His soft breath tickle Toya's neck, but defiantly didn't mind. Toya could do nothing for a while but look on at his sleeping angel. Yuki's face was peaceful and looked like an angel with a little grin on his face. His silver hair was sleep tousled and made him look years younger and vulnerable. 

Toya sighed as he slowly untangled himself from the one he loved. He knew the best way to wake Yuki up was to cook him breakfast, besides he needed some time to think. Toya took one last look at his sleeping angel, and felt the urge to kiss Yuki's brow, but he made himself stop, saying he would not take advantage of Yuki while he slept. But he did whisper as he left "You have no idea how much I love you…" Yuki frowned in his sleep as Toya left his side, but he didn't wake up. Toya shuffled slowly to the kitchen area of the cabin and went to the refrigerator to take out the food for breakfast. He soon became completely absorbed in cooking the breakfast and thinking of how he could let Yuki know how much he loved him.

Yuki woke as he felt the warmth next to him suddenly disappear. And just as he was on the verge of waking up he could have sworn he felt Toya lean close and almost kiss him and then back up while he whispered, "You have no idea how much I love you…" But Yuki decided it must just have been his imagination over reacting, again. He was about to just turn over and go back to sleep when caught a whiff of the breakfast Toya was cooking, this made his stomach growl and he could not go back to sleep. He stood slowly and stretched lazily until he was standing on his tiptoes with is arms stretched above him. He found his glasses and then slipped quietly out of the bedroom he and Toya shared.

Yuki could see Toya working in the kitchen and he watched the one person who meant the world to him work quietly. Toya was totally focused on his cooking; he gave his all to everything he did. Yuki loved that about him, he did everything for real or it wasn't worth it in the first place. Toya looked extra adorable in the morning, he had on pajama pants and an old t-shirt on that made him look really huggable! And then his sleep rumpled hair was really adorable. Yuki quietly walked into the kitchen until he was right behind Toya, then he waiter for Toya to put down his cooking utensils and frying pan, and then he reached up and put his hands over Toya's eyes (he waited to for Toya to put the stuff down so when/if Toya was surprised neither of them would get hurt in the process, I know from experience that it is not a fun experience!) Toya couldn't hide the fact that he had been so focused on cooking and lost in thought that he hadn't noticed Yuki sneaking up on him, he about had a heart attack.

"Guess who?" Yuki whispered a few inches from Toya's ear. Toya could hardly suppress the shudder Yuki's warm breath on his ear gave him, and the husky air the morning gave Yuki's voice. Toya decided to play along to humor his friend.

"Gee I don't know could it be some sleeping snow bunny that is always hungry, and the only reason it's up is because it smells food?" Toya teased his love. Yuki still had his hands over Toya's eyes, but because of their heath difference Yuki was pressed up against Toya's back and up on his toes. Their closeness was getting to both of them and Yuki knew he couldn't stay like that much longer (^_~) Yuki grudgingly lowered his hands and stepped back while he smacked Toya good naturedly.

"How did you know it was me? And before you say it no the food was not the only reason I am up!" Yuki teased Toya right back and after he had finished speaking he stuck his tongue out at his best friend.

"I don't know maybe it's the fact that you're the only other person here in this cabin!" Toya teased as he went back to his cooking, he couldn't let the breakfast for his love burn now could he? 

They ate the breakfast like they had spent so many other mealy together. Yuki babbled on about something neither of them really listened to and Toya nodded and occasionally laughed or asked a question. And while they were doing that they each snuck glances at the other and if they ever happened to catch the other's eye they both quickly turned away and blushed. It would have been a very interesting thing for anyone else to watch but it was like torture to the two of them. Neither could work out the right words or way to tell the other what they felt. Both felt sure they stood no chance with the other and that this façade was killing them both!

After they had finished their breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen it was almost 10 in the morning. They decided that they would do just as they had done every other time they had been there and go swimming first and then go on a hike later on in the afternoon. They went to their shared room to get into their swimsuits. It had been an easy thing when they were younger they would just turn around and each change and trust the other not to look. But now with their hidden love neither knew what to do. Toya decided he didn't want to make Yuki suspicious of anything so he got his suit and turned his back to Yuki and started to change into his suit. Yuki had been wondering how they were going to work changing this year was relieved that Toya had taken the initiative. But Yuki suddenly found he couldn't look away from Toya as he changed into his suit. Yuki watched as Toya pulled off his sleep shirt over his head which amply showed off his well tanned muscular physic. Then Toya still unaware of his audience slide his pajama bottoms down and reached for his suit. Yuki couldn't help where his gaze strayed but he could feel the color rising to his checks and he turned away quickly before Toya noticed and then asked something.

Toya finished pulling on his suit and then put is sleep clothes away and turned to wait for Yuki to finish. But he was surprised to find that Yuki was still changing. He was now lifting his shirt over his head; he had only taken off his glasses so far. Toya could find no way to avert his eyes from his best friend' lithe body. Who knew that Yuki had small but well defined muscles? Then Yuki slide his pajama pants down and groped around for his suit blindly Toya had to turn away after he figured out that his eyes had wandered to off limit areas, and he didn't want Yuki to notice. Presently both Yuki and Toya were composed enough to go out to the lake.

Yuki suddenly got an almost evil idea, or dirty if you can believe he could have a single dirty thought in his head (little innocent YukiJ) He had very delicate skin and needed to put on his sun-block and that sparked is idea!

"Toya would you help me put on the sun-block, you know my skin will fry without it. And I can't reach my back, do you mind?" Yuki put on his best innocent puppy eyes. Toya was himself having trouble controlling his mind and keeping it clean. But he nodded his consent and took the bottle from Yuki. His face turned a bright tomato red when he reached out and started to rub the lotion into Yuki's back. Toya worked rubbing the lotion in, in a circular motion. Yuki was fighting with all his might not to moan in the pleasure of the action, but despite his efforts one slipped out. Toya grinned to himself because he knew Yuki was enjoying this, maybe later he would offer to give Yuki a real massage. Than Toya got a wicked come back for what Yuki had put him through just then.

"There you go; I got your whole back. But now I need you to get my back if you could." Toya asked as he handed to bottle back to Yuki. Yuki looked stunned but then smiled his usual smile.

"Sure, but you never burn anyway."

"Yes I do, at least a little every time, just never as bad as you." Toya replied as Yuki started to put the lotion on Toya's back. Now it was Toya's turn to try and not moan, and he was more successful than Yuki. Yuki suddenly remembered that he had wanted to help Toya get over Kaho and started to think about how best he could do that. After all their sun-block was properly applied they went to pass several hours in the lake. They spent a lot of time swimming, and splashing. But less water grappling than in previous years, both were afraid of the closeness it meant.

They decided it was time for lunch. Yuki suggested the make their food and then bring it outside for a picnic. They worked in almost silence to make the sandwiches and to grab the stuff they would need. Toya put everything in a picnic basket and Yuki went ahead of him outside to spread the blanket under the old Oak tree that sat all alone and secluded. Yuki had the blanket spread and was waiting for a little bit when Toya finally arrived.

"What happened, you get lost on your way here?" Yuki asked to tease his friend and Toya smiled and shrugged his shoulders. But he looked a little upset about something. It had taken him at least 10 extra minutes to get out to the tree and Yuki was now really hungry, but he was now worried about Toya. "What happened, I know something happened, and don't say it didn't because I know you better than that!"

"I can't hide anything can I?" Toya asked his snow bunny while he thought to himself 'Except my love'. "And before you have to force me to answer I just got a call from Sakura in England."

Yuki now knew why Toya was so bent out, not only was he not able to watch over his younger sister right now but she was with Kaho. "And is anything wrong with Sakura?" Yuki could tell she was fine but he would feign dumb now.

"No she's fine, she's better than fine, she's having the time of her life right now. And she says that Eriol the guy who was in her class for a while, who was actually dating Kaho. Well he just purposed to her and she …" his voice broke here and he had to stop for a moment. Yuki could feel his heart clinching at the pain that Toya was in and that he felt so much for her still after what she had done to him. Yuki hated it he felt so helpless now, so he did the only thing he could. He scooted forward and held Toya close to him and comforted him. Although Toya wasn't crying this was as close as he ever got, and Yuki could still see how much pain he was in. Toya leaned in close and gripped Yuki tightly like he was afraid that if he let go Yuki would leave him, just like Kaho had done. Yuki just kept rubbing Toya's back and whispering to him softly until Toya had calmed down again. Toya pulled back just a little to finish his story, but he still held Yuki.

            "And she accepted. Sakura said she said she had finally found the one she loves." Toya took a very shaky breath. Before Yuki could say anything to try and comfort Toya, Toya continued. "Let's go ahead and eat, I've already delayed our picnic." Toya gave Yuki a very strained smile, which caused more pain to Yuki. He could see how much Toya was hurting, but Toya wouldn't let him help because he didn't want Yuki to see he was still so hurt. But Yuki knew he could not press his best friend or else he would be completely cut out, so he would just have to wait for Toya to let him help, and it was really frustrating!

            "Did you bring the mustard?" Yuki asked as he got out a sandwich fro himself and Toya.

            "I knew I forgot something, here let me go get it, I'll be back in a minute." Toya rose quickly and set off back towards the cabin. Yuki hadn't even had time to say he didn't need the mustard. He would have called Toya back but something caught his eye, mixed in with Toya's stuff was the little red journal. Yuki knew he really shouldn't read it but he had to find out if there was anything in there that might let him know how to help Toya. The journal didn't have a lock so Yuki could just flip through it. There was a lot written in the little book, and it made Yuki realize that Toya was very good with words, just not saying them out lout. He stopped flipping on a page that looked like it had been cried on many times, and the sight almost made him cry too. He slowly began to read the poem his love had written.

_"I wish you had taken my broken heart_

_You must have heard it crack as you left me in the dark_

_This wasn't how it was suppose to be_

_You should have taken my broken heart_

_It should have been like a shadow to you_

_Everyone could see how you shattered me_

_You should have to put up with my broken dreams_

_Broken world_

_Broken thoughts_

_Broken self_

_You should have tried to help_

_But you ran leaving me on the bench_

_The petals of flowers tangled in my hair_

_You use to pick those out for me_

_Do you even feel a bit of pain for what you did?_

_My tears were a storm_

_My broken heart should have been your responsibility_

_It's all you fault_

_You made me think you were the one_

_But you left me by myself_

_You didn't even explain (coward!)_

_I don't think I could ever hate you_

_No, I loved you and probably always will_

_Will you even remember me?_

_Do you ever think of me?_

_Or how you broke my heart?_

_I know years from now it will make senses_

_But not now, I can't let it_

_You were the only one I let see me_

_The one others never dreamed of_

_But you betrayed me."_

            Yuki could feel the tears slipping down his cheeks. He knew from the rest of the Kinmoto family that he and Kaho had been close and the break up had really hurt him, but that was an understatement. Toya had believed he was in love and she just left him and never came back. How could he ever compare to her, Toya would always love her, there was nothing he could do. Yuki was so upset he didn't even realize that Toya had come back with the mustard. Toya saw Yuki with tears streaming down his face and dropped the mustard and ran to his friend's side.

            "Yuki what happened?" Toya was very confused it didn't look like anything could have happened, Yuki hadn't even moved. Yuki glanced up at his best friend with tears still coming from his eyes. Toya was taken back by the despair he saw in Yuki's eyes. "Please tell me what happened?" Toya now pleaded.

            "I…I'm so sorry Toya." Yuki stuttered and looked down, unable to look at Toya. Toya was really confused now. Then he saw his journal in Yuki's lap and was going to tell Yuki, that if he had wanted to read it all he had to do was ask, but Yuki spoke again. "I'm so sorry; I wasn't there for you Toya. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough friend that you could come to me with your feelings. I'm so sorry."

            Toya couldn't help a small smile that feel on his face. It was so like Yuki to try and blame himself for all Toya's problems. "If your talking about Kaho, I didn't go to anyone, I just needed some time to think it out myself. And I'm over her now I think." Yuki looked up at the last part, and shook his head no.

            "You took the news of her engagement so hard and from this it doesn't sound like you'll ever get over her." Yuki was still really depressed he had failed to help Toya. Toya knew he had to let Yuki in on his secret soon now.

            "Yuki, the news of her engagement just really took me by surprise, and I guess it just finalized things. But you didn't read the end of that poem did you?" Toya was now pointing to his red journal in Yuki's lap. Yuki looked a little confused about what Toya had said and then a little embarrassed that he had been caught with his friend's journal.

            "I read it all, the entire page of it." But this only made Toya grin more at his snow bunny, and he shook his head.

            "I've worked on that poem ever since she left me, there's a new part on the next page." His voice was soft and held a feeling in it that Yuki could not recognize clearly, but knew he had heard it before, but only when Toya was talking to him.

            Yuki turned the page and saw that there was a little more to the poem and he began to read quietly to himself.

_"The only comfort you said over your shoulder_

_Was that we each would find another_

_One we would really love_

_How could you be so sure?_

_I can still eel the pieces of my heart in my chest_

_IT will take true love to mend it_

_Curse those words because I though tit was you_

_But maybe I'm already moving on_

_You broke my heart_

_But now I am glad you left it with me_

_You will not hold me back anymore_

_I have found my real love_

_And it's not you"_

            Yuki felt a small stab of happiness that his friend was over Kaho. But it was overshadowed by the fact Toya was in love with someone else and they were the one he really loved. Yuki could feel more tears slide down his cheek. But before he could completely break down he felt a hand come up and brush away his tears. The hand was strong and a little calloused from work but it was gentle for him. The hand then slid down to cup his cheek. Yuki was very confused at to what Toya was doing.

            "Yuki there's something I've needed to tell you for a while. And now that I feel completely free, I think now is the best time to tell you." Toya had lifted Yuki's face to face him and their eyes were locked. Yuki knew that if Toya kept holding him like this he might lose it and kiss him. Their closeness was intoxicating to both of them.

            "What is it?" Yuki asked in a breathy voice that sent shivers down Toya's back. Toya moved his face a little closed to Yuki's.

            "I've never been good at expressing myself with words out loud." Toya said and moved a little closer so that now there were only a few inches of space left between them. His voice picked up more huskiness as he went on "So I'll just show you." With that Toya leaned in and touched his lips to Yuki's soft ones. Yuki was only shocked for a moment and then he returned the kiss to Toya with all the passion he felt and they both increased the kiss. Toya had his hand still on Yuki's cheek and the other was now wrapped around Yuki's small waist. Yuki's hands were now wrapped around Toya's neck and tangling with his hair. They pulled apart grudgingly when they needed to breathe. Yuki's tears had stopped and a smile that could rival the sun was on his face. Toya knew he must have looked very similar.

            "I love you so much." Yuki whispered.

            "I love you too." Toya returned and they kissed again. Both knew they had the rest of the weekend alone together!

THE END

Thank you very much for reading this. I was going to originally have Yuki fall into the lake and hit his head and Toya save him by mouth to mouth. But I couldn't work in the poem which would lead to the title so this is what happened instead. I hope you liked it and please review and let me know how I can improve it (besides spelling and grammar things, I have a beta reader but she was busy, so this was my best attempt without her!)


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